Who Farted?

So we're downstairs playing and Macey passes gas.

Josh immediately yells, "WHO FARTED?!"

I say, "I didn't.  I'm clear over here.  Macey-did you fart?"

Macey then matches Josh's yell, "I FARTED!  IT WAS ME!"

And then we go thru the politeness routine of saying excuse me.

Then in a random turn of events, Macey yells, "I THOUGHT WE WERE ON A BOAT!"

Say whaaaaa?????

These kids......

Potty Training Hell

That's right folks.  We've finally bitten the big bullet at the Duerksen house and entered POTTY TRAINING HELL.

When your 2 year old says out loud at a store, "Mommy change my poop" and the sales lady asks if she needs to unlock the bathroom, you know it's time to potty train.

Or....

You might know its time to potty train when your 2 year old dumps a load in her diaper, then demands loudly that she has a "B-I-G poopy.  Change it N-O-W-!"

So, I waited as long as possible, mostly to get out of the morning sickness phase, and more into the level-hormone phase to start.  And it had to be a 2 day stretch where Chad is home.  HAS TO BE.

So we started bright and early when she woke up this morning.  And wouldn't you know that she woke up early this morning.  Yea.  More time to potty train.  (Insert sarcasm.)

First thing this morning, I got her panties on her (including parachute pants) and gave her her morning jug of chocolate milk.  First leg hole on her underwear, she fell on the floor and screamed at the top of her lungs "NO!" and continued to kick and scream while I wrangled her legs into the holes.

Round 1 goes to Mama.

Then we started close to the potty and it's all a blur from there.  

We started in the bathroom.

We shoved inordinate amounts of goldfish and juice and chocolate milk into her.  Her eyes were literally floating in her head at one point during the day.

She had her own buffet set up right beside her.  And for the first, oh 45 minutes, it was fun for all involved.  (Sarcasm again.  Let's be real....it was bearable.)

Then crap went downhill.  Not literally, cuz Regular McGhee is holding everything in....including that.

She is PETRIFIED of going potty. 

Literally! 

The first time she pottied in the potty chair, she jumped off so fast and her eyes were as big as half dollars, you would've thought that I threw a blackcat fire cracker in there!

I left and went to go grocery shopping for about an hour and a half.  I called while I was at Walmart to check with Chad to see if we needed anything else for potty training and his response was, "I don't care."  And some other things that aren't repeatable, but the gist was his patience was gone.  I flew threw the rest of Walmart trying to get home and save my child from the Potty Training Warden.

We switched and Dad got there to watch her.  He nearly ran out the door when he found out we were potty training.  All in all.....Papa and kids survived.  When we got home, it was apparent that the 5 year old had outsmarted Papa and had the doors open to the napping kids, eaten 6 plus pieces of bread while lying on the kitchen table, ate everything he could, etc.  

All were alive and that's what matters.

Then by the end of the day, Chad and I had switched off often with Potty Training Macey.  She still continues to be scared of the actual act of pottying, but we made small progress by the end.  

Chad read on a website that by helping relax the kid, it would go smoother.  So what does genius do......

What every other potty training parent does....

Get out the foot massage tub!

Why is Josh pants-less?  Good question.  At least he has on underwear!

Macey was too scared to put her feet in, so Daddy did.

Then it was Josh's turn.  He REALLY liked it!  He was so disappointed when we had to put it away.
Wait....who were we supposed to make relax here?!?!??!

By the end of the day, we finally had more than a few drops in the potty at a time.  

But the point is....day one down.  And parents won!  No diapers, but a crap load of wet stuff and laundry. 

But I'll count it as a win!