Who Farted?

So we're downstairs playing and Macey passes gas.

Josh immediately yells, "WHO FARTED?!"

I say, "I didn't.  I'm clear over here.  Macey-did you fart?"

Macey then matches Josh's yell, "I FARTED!  IT WAS ME!"

And then we go thru the politeness routine of saying excuse me.

Then in a random turn of events, Macey yells, "I THOUGHT WE WERE ON A BOAT!"

Say whaaaaa?????

These kids......

Potty Training Hell

That's right folks.  We've finally bitten the big bullet at the Duerksen house and entered POTTY TRAINING HELL.

When your 2 year old says out loud at a store, "Mommy change my poop" and the sales lady asks if she needs to unlock the bathroom, you know it's time to potty train.

Or....

You might know its time to potty train when your 2 year old dumps a load in her diaper, then demands loudly that she has a "B-I-G poopy.  Change it N-O-W-!"

So, I waited as long as possible, mostly to get out of the morning sickness phase, and more into the level-hormone phase to start.  And it had to be a 2 day stretch where Chad is home.  HAS TO BE.

So we started bright and early when she woke up this morning.  And wouldn't you know that she woke up early this morning.  Yea.  More time to potty train.  (Insert sarcasm.)

First thing this morning, I got her panties on her (including parachute pants) and gave her her morning jug of chocolate milk.  First leg hole on her underwear, she fell on the floor and screamed at the top of her lungs "NO!" and continued to kick and scream while I wrangled her legs into the holes.

Round 1 goes to Mama.

Then we started close to the potty and it's all a blur from there.  

We started in the bathroom.

We shoved inordinate amounts of goldfish and juice and chocolate milk into her.  Her eyes were literally floating in her head at one point during the day.

She had her own buffet set up right beside her.  And for the first, oh 45 minutes, it was fun for all involved.  (Sarcasm again.  Let's be real....it was bearable.)

Then crap went downhill.  Not literally, cuz Regular McGhee is holding everything in....including that.

She is PETRIFIED of going potty. 

Literally! 

The first time she pottied in the potty chair, she jumped off so fast and her eyes were as big as half dollars, you would've thought that I threw a blackcat fire cracker in there!

I left and went to go grocery shopping for about an hour and a half.  I called while I was at Walmart to check with Chad to see if we needed anything else for potty training and his response was, "I don't care."  And some other things that aren't repeatable, but the gist was his patience was gone.  I flew threw the rest of Walmart trying to get home and save my child from the Potty Training Warden.

We switched and Dad got there to watch her.  He nearly ran out the door when he found out we were potty training.  All in all.....Papa and kids survived.  When we got home, it was apparent that the 5 year old had outsmarted Papa and had the doors open to the napping kids, eaten 6 plus pieces of bread while lying on the kitchen table, ate everything he could, etc.  

All were alive and that's what matters.

Then by the end of the day, Chad and I had switched off often with Potty Training Macey.  She still continues to be scared of the actual act of pottying, but we made small progress by the end.  

Chad read on a website that by helping relax the kid, it would go smoother.  So what does genius do......

What every other potty training parent does....

Get out the foot massage tub!

Why is Josh pants-less?  Good question.  At least he has on underwear!

Macey was too scared to put her feet in, so Daddy did.

Then it was Josh's turn.  He REALLY liked it!  He was so disappointed when we had to put it away.
Wait....who were we supposed to make relax here?!?!??!

By the end of the day, we finally had more than a few drops in the potty at a time.  

But the point is....day one down.  And parents won!  No diapers, but a crap load of wet stuff and laundry. 

But I'll count it as a win!

Josh and the 23rd Psalm

Daddy was working REALLY hard with Josh.

He wanted Josh to start memorizing Bible verses.

So he starts with the easists of them all.....the 23rd Psalm!

Josh knows it, but he's super shy.  

So I videoed him in front of the Christmas tree saying it.

Merry Christmas!

Best Time of the Year My Butt.....

Everyone knows that famous Christmas song by Burl Ives.

You know the one.

"Have a holly, jolly Christmas.  It's the best time of the year!"

I'm callin' horse crap on that.

Today, restraint was practiced by the adults in the house .......


Did you know that you cannot shop-vac saw dust out of a little girls' hair? (Yes, I really did vacuum her hair.)

Did you know that it creates rats?  (Lots of them.)

Did you know that child abuse is ILLEGAL?

Did ya?!

Did you  also know that it's IMPOSSIBLE to shop-vac every piece of saw dust strung from here to eternity? 

Did ya?!

Did ya, huh?!?!??!

Ya see.....we're trying to finish our basement and the hubby has been framing the downstairs.

Framing involves wood.  

Wood makes dust.

Josh takes dust from 30 gallon trash can (was about 1/4-1/2 full of said saw dust) and decides that his innocent little sister reading a book on the couch is a great target.

Saw dust from here (and everywhere) to there.

Crying little girl.

Punished little boy.

Baffled parents.

Best time of the year my big wide, white butt!

Shove it, Burl!

Happy Thanksgiving!

This year, Chad has the pleasure of working on the 2 major holidays: Thanksgiving and Christmas.

So.......

We take our party to the station.

But first, we had to make pies.

I love making pies.

I decided to try the Pioneer Woman's pie crust recipe.  (Cuz my last one using butter turned out HORRIBLE!)

And it wasn't too bad!  It was very soft and hard to work with, but it tasted fine.

And Josh thought so too!

I'll be honked if that kid doesn't like raw pie dough.  He won't touch anything new without a decree from congress, but he'll swipe raw pie dough.

Go figure.

All of the sudden I'll have rolled out the dough, put it in the pie tin, be ready to form the crust, turn around....

and WHAMMO!

Pie crust swiper took a chuck out of it.

But....I got to use Granny Heffel's pumpkin pie dish (with lid) and that made me happy.

I also tried to make Pecan Pie (used the PW's recipe) and it turned out great!  

(Or that's what I hear.  I didn't even get a piece of it!!)

We had so much fun at the Fire Station.  

And I think a large part of it was my attitude.

Before you go all "DUH Shell" on me, know that is hard for me.

I was missing out on my family's big celebration in Oklahoma and missing the family, with only 2 children to talk to.  I really tried to make the most of it and celebrate with a happy heart.  

And wouldn't ya know....it worked!

Anyway, back to the station.....

It's got 5 men there that all dress the same (like Daddy) and poor Macey walked up to at least 2 of them while they were turned around and called them Daddy.  Then they turned around to face her and she turned white a ghost.  

And sometimes, okay ALL THE TIME, at the station, you have to make your own fun.

Like.....running on the treadmill, playing basketball inside, seeing the trucks, rowing the rescue boat, wheely chair races (like office chairs), etc.

Here are some pics from the races:

Macey never really did ride in a chair.  She just ran and chased them.

 And then Daddy started to really win, Josh didn't like that, and tried to hold him back. 

Dads-always there to bring ya down to reality....

And Josh ran into that door a couple of times.

We finally had to shut it.  Then he just hit the trucks.  

Then in the station that Chad is at now, there's an upper floor too.  

And then there was also entertainment outside!

At first, we thought it was a trick.  

Doesn't it look fake?

But then look at it's hind leg.  It's broke.  It hobbled back in to the drain.

Then the kids (big one too) sat on the fire truck and roared at it.

I made sure that the kids (at least Josh) ran on the treadmill before we left to burn some energy.

And of course there was lots of Daddy time.

And we played a little basketball.

Well, 2 of them did while the third one jumped down the row on the floor drain.

But that's the name of the game:

"Make your own fun or go home."

We had a great day!

Checkin' Off My List

So......it's November 19.......

AND MY CHRISTMAS TREE IS UP!!

Say Whaaaaa?!?!?

That's right.  It's November.  In the teens even.  

AND MY TREE IS UP!

No, no.  Don't be jealous.  Really.  You see, here's how it went down.

Two days ago, I meantion to Hubby of the Year (for the moment anyway) that I would like to put up the tree before Thanksgiving.

Since we're in a new house, I wanted to bounce ideas off of him on where to put it.  (Not that I'm not going to put it wherever I want, but still.)

We discussed some places, then moved furniture to make the tree easily visible from the kitchen and the living room, but not so visible that it is a target to get knocked over everyday.

Then the next day, I come home from driving to the big city to take Josh to preschool and shop with Macey (which has become our thang)........

And POOF!  Tree has appeared and is assembled.

Dang!  Now I really have to get it done.  

Cuz......who wants to look at a fake, bare, yucky tree.

And the kids whinin' and a beggin'.  That'll make ya get 'er done!  Just to make them happy!  (And quiet.)

So......

I try to save some things that I need to accomplish (that don't take much effort or sanity) for when Chad's not home to help pass the time, which made today Tree Decorating Day!

I fluffed the tree.  You know.....pulled the fake, itchy branches into somewhat of a reasonably realistic manner.  

Am I the only one who sneezes and itches after dinkin' with a fake tree?

I think I'm allergic to putting up the tree.  I'll have to hire it done from now on.

Then I had bought some new ribbon for the tree at Michaels the other day.  I was so stinkin' excited to put that up, that I did.  

Without lights.

I remember the darn lights after all the ribbon was on and looked purty.

Damn it.

Take the ribbon back off. 

Put stupid lights on.  They're white lights.

Or they're supposed to be.  

Some are old and they glow yellow.  But, hey, it fits.

Then by this time, I forgot to mention that the tree may be up, with lights, but MY PATIENCE IS GONE!

I swear to you......no matter where I am....those 2 munchkins follow me around like St. Bernard Ticks.  

They're big.  Sometimes drool.  And are constantly knocking things over.

We decided to put our tree between the couch and the chair.  If you drew a box around the tree about 3 foot square........

All three of us (2 kids and me) were in that small area.  

By a tree that I had to level out with a Dinosaur Train book. 

Cuz said Hubby of the Year broke my tree stand. 

He says he didn't, but it wasn't that way last year when I left it!

And there was a branch missing.

Oh, I didn't mention those things....missing branch, leaning tree, and kids in small area!

Yep.  It was fun.  I just wanted to yell, "Darn it kids.  I'm trying to make you memories here.  Back up and let Mommy do!"

So Mimi arrived and brought dinner.  We took a dinner break and I was refreshed to finish decorating the tree.

At first, Josh was the only one who wanted to help.  But like most things in the Duerksen family, Macey wants to do whatever Josh does.  And better.

We set up a system because both kids wanted to help.  

Macey took the EXTREMELY FRAGILE ornaments out of the tub and R-A-N to hand them to Josh who was waiting at the tree.  

Then he placed them appropriately.

It worked out fairly well.  No broken ornaments. 

This is a close up as to how they were spaced.  He started off sooooo good!  They were perfectly spaced!  Then, right as I told Mimi to look at that, whamo.....


After we did the tree, we got out our Nativity.  Although, Josh calls it our 'activity'.  

It was so neat to see how this year Josh was SUPER excited about getting it out.  He's been old enough to remember it for about 2 years now.

You could see his pure joy when he got them all out of the boxes.

And of course anything Josh can do, Macey can do it better and faster!

She liked seeing them too. 

If only because Josh did.

Our Christmas season is off to a good start.

A Great Day

I was so thankful for the nice weather outside today.

Less windy than yesterday (we had a high wind gust of about 50) and warmer.

So.....

the Duerksen kids (big and small) went outside.

An that's pretty much how it was-Daddy in the lead, Josh next, and Macey picking up the rear.

And she liked it that way!  She was happy to just be.

Then Josh took a tumble:

Then they made a 'base'.  (You can tell what they play at recess at preschool some days.)

And then the running stopped.  Josh's cough caught up with him.

So Macey got the ball!

And then she took a break.

And then the sun went down and we all went inside.

But it was sooooo good to be out!